This Beautiful Nightmare
by lunarfaery
Summary: What started out as physicality turns into something much more for Tony and Steve but love doesn't come easily.
1. Chapter 1

Everything about Steve Rogers grates on his nerves. His voice, his good looks and his all around perfection. It was all irritating and yet Tony Stark finds himself fascinated by the Cap. That pisses him off more than anything. Oh he had heard the stories from his father. How the Cap had once been a puny kid, trying desperately to get into the military and having been rejected every time. The Cap, back when he was still just Steve Rogers hadn't just been small but sickly. Tony remembers his father telling him that Steve had every ailment under the sun but there had been a bravery and a genuine goodness to the man that made him the perfect candidate. Tony had been a child at the time and was less interested in his father's wild science experiments than bugs on the wall. In fact, Tony grew tired of hearing his father rave about Captain America. A paradigm of goodness and virtue.

Now, he could see all the reasons his father had been so enamored by the Cap and he hates it. Hates himself for being just as enamored with him.

Tony is trying to focus on what Bruce is saying but it's hard when Steve is hanging around, looking self-righteous and beautiful. Tony has the urge to smack the shit out of him and then shoving him against the wall and kissing him breathless. He feels guilty over his body betraying him this way, betraying Pepper but when Steve glances towards him and their eyes meet, all thoughts of Pepper fizzle away. There's only Steve in that moment and Tony feels his heart pounding in his chest. He's been caught staring at the Cap and even when he looks away, he knows he's been caught. Tony curses him and forces his attention back to Bruce but his science buddy has stopped speaking. Bruce looks between Tony and the Cap and a small smile plays on his lips. Tony has to force himself to not punch the man. A quick glance from his peripheral lets him know that Steve is still watching him but he's distracted suddenly by Fury and Tony breathes a sigh of relief. This is all so stupid and Tony needs to get out of the room. Now.

The rooms that are assigned to the Avengers on the aircraft are plain and depressingly white. There's nothing comforting about them and as Tony lies in the narrow bunk he misses his penthouse in New York City. Sure, he knows that he's priveleged and spoiled but doesn't care. That's what it means to be a Stark and he isn't going to complain.

His thoughts are interrupted by a faint knocking at his door and he sits up straight, wondering who is trying to bother him. Tony groans and slides out of the bed, trudging across the short distance of the room to the door and punches the button on the wall. The air-locked door releases and slides open and standing on the outside is the last person he expected to see paying him a visit in the middle of the night.

Steve Rogers.

Tony doesn't say anything, his face contorts into a look of confusion and Steve looks surprised. Surprised that Tony answered the knock or surprised that he's there? Tony doesn't know and the silence drags on for what feels like hours. Finally, Tony breaks it.

"What do you want?" It isn't exactly the greeting that he had in mind but whatever.

Steve wets his lips and an odd feeling zings through Tony and he wants to slam the door in the man's face. "I didn't think you would answer the door. I just...why do you keep staring at me?"

Tony is shocked and he takes a step back which Steve takes as an invitation and comes into the room, reaching to the wall and hitting the button so the door closes.

"Well?"

"What are you talking about?" Tony plays dumb but he's not that great of an actor.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Steve replies. "You think I don't notice but I do. I notice it every time."

Tony smirks, stepping into his usual snarky attitude. "You're more conceited than I though. Look buddy, if I am staring at you it's because I'm trying to figure out the best way to kick your ass. I can't stand you."

Steve face contorts into a scowl and he visibly grits his teeth. "The feeling is entirely mutual but if you would quite staring at me, I'd appreciate it. It's really creepy."

Tony quels the want to shake the man in front of him and as Steve turns to go a million thoughts run through his mind. Captain America is just about to walk out of his door and on impulse, before he even realizes what he's doing, Tony grabs hold of Steve and turns him around. His hands are on Steve's shoulders and he pushes him against the closed door, his lips finding the Cap's and kisses him, hard. He can feel Steve go rigid beneath his touch and he waits to be shoved away or punched. He's not sure which the Cap would be more likely to do. When neither happens and Steve's body starts to relax Tony is shocked. He actually doesn't know what to do next but that doesn't matter because Steve has taken the initiative. His hands have found their way to Tony's waist and he's pushing himself off the wall. He's larger in stature than Tony and uses that to his advantage as Steve pushes the man towards the bed.

Tony's tongue acts on its own, prying open Steve's lips and dancing against the soft muscle that lay just beyond. A small groan escapes Steve and it sends bolts of electricy down Tony's spine. The next thing he knows is that they're on his narrow bed, clothes are being ripped from their bodies and they're a mess of hands, tongues and lips.

Tony is shuddering beneath Steve and his skin feels more alive than it ever has before. His naked body is broken out into goosebumps and he's equally excited and terrified about what may be about to transpire.

Then something completely unexpected happens and Steve uses his strength to flip Tony over so that his stomach is pressed to the thin mattress. Tony recovers quickly from the shock and has just enough time to get to his hands and knees before Steve presses into him, his cock hard and slick inside of him. Tony wonders at what point he'd had a chance to lube up but it doesn't matter. His eyes have rolled into the back of his head and he lets out a long, pleasured moan. That only seems to encourage the Cap and he shoves into him harder, faster causing Tony's body to writhe beneath him.

Steve isn't unskilled and he's holding Tony's hips so tightly that there are sure to be bruises in the morning but he can't stop. He won't stop. He'll fuck Tony so hard that the infamous Iron Man will see stars. He's panting, waves of pleasure passing through him as Tony's back arches from his ministrations. It's going to fast and he's going to come too soon. This has been long awaited and all the sexual tension is coming in droves. Steve reaches around and takes hold of Tony's cock, stroking him in time to his thrusts. Tony's is moaning so loudly that Steve is sure the entire aircraft will hear them.

Then it happens and he comes inside Tony, letting out a cry of pure pleasure, his body trembling. Tony spills into his hand and shudders beneath him. When it's over, they both collapse onto the bed exhausted and panting. Their bodies are slick with sweat and their bodies radiate the afterglow of sex. For a long time they don't say anything, not wanting to end the magic so soon.

Finally, Tony looks over to Steve and smirks faintly. "Get out."

For a moment, Steve looks shocked and then he rolls his eyes. "If you say so."

Tony watches as Steve slides from the bed and redresses, letting his eyes drink in the beauty of the man he's just slept with. Just before Steve is about to step through the door, he turns back to Tony.

"Tomorrow night?"

"Same time, same place."


	2. Chapter 2

Steve Rogers puts his head in his hands and sighs heavily. What was he doing? Running? Trying to convince himself that the things going on in his chest weren't real? Who was he trying to kid other than himself and more importantly, why?

It had been six months since the Avengers defeat over Loki and restoring peace to the world and six months since they had all gone their separate ways. There was no word from Nick Fury that their services were needed once more and for that Steve is grateful. Something is missing for him though and he can feel it niggling at the back of his mind night and day. Without the Avengers there is no Tony Stark. Their nights of stolen moments, kisses and more intimate things have passed and they had both agreed to leave it alone. They had come to a mutual agreement that they wouldn't see or speak to each other unless it was a matter of duty. At the time, Steve had thought it was the best decision to make and he knew that Tony was going back to his regular life which included Pepper. Steve hates the thought of Tony wrapped around another person and it makes his stomach churn.

He doesn't understand why he feels this way. After all, it had never been about emotional intimacy and always about sex. It had been great sex but Steve had never felt anything deeper and he is certain that Tony never had either. It wasn't until a few weeks after the Avenger disassembled that he'd began to feel a deep rooted sadness and noticed how cold his bed was at night. He had come to realize that he desperately missed Tony. Sometimes Steve had eve dreamt about him and woken with a tear or two rolling down his cheeks. He feels stupid and weak, hates himself for falling in love wit someone that could never love him back. Tony would never love him back.

Steve raises his face from his hands and looks around the small diner that he's found on the road. That's what he's been doing for the last six months, travelling and learning about this new modern world. It's been enlightening to say the least but it hasn't replaced Tony for him. He reaches into his jeans pocket and extracts the cellphone that he had picked up while still working with the Avengers. It's a strange little machine to Steve but he's always been intelligent and figured it out rather quickly. Tony may have helped him a little. He presses his thumb against the touchscreen to highlight the contacts icon and when the menu comes up, he scrolls through the numbers. There aren't many. When Tony's name is highlighted, his thumb lingers over screen before he takes the plunge. He raises the phone to his ear and listens to the other end ring. Steve is quietly praying that Tony doesn't answer.

"Hello."

That familiar voice floods throught he phone and Steve feels his heart drop to the floor. He wasn't expecting Tony to answer but now that he has, Steve doesn't know what to do. His jaw is slack and the voice comes over the phone again.

"Hello? Who is this?"

Steve doesn't say anything but quickly disconnects the call and drops the phone onto the counter. His heart is beating in triple time and his stomach is roiling. He's distracted when a waitress comes over and poors more coffee into his nearly empty cup.

"Sir, are you alright?" She asks, polite and brow knit in concern. "You look live you've just seen a ghost."

Steve is grateful for the distraction and forces his breathing to even and his heart to calm down. He offers the waitress a small smile.

"Yes. I'm fine. Thank you." He answers.

She returns the smile and sets the coffee pot down on the counter. "I don't mean to step over any boundaries but I know that look. I've been working in this diner for a long time and met a lot of people along the way. So many of the men that have stopped in here have looked just as you do."

Steve gives her a confused glance, not understanding.

The waitress smiles once more and it's gentle and kind. "Don't wait until it's too late. Go get the person you love, whoever they are."

Steve is stunned and he stares at the woman for a long moment, wondering how she could possibly have been able to read him the way she did. He realizes that she must be telling the truth about the people over the years that had stopped into this diner. He reaches into his pocket and pulls cash from the material of his jeans to pay for the coffee and he leaves a generous extra amount to tip the waitress. Her advice may have been surprising but it was accurate. Steve needs Tony. It's more than just physical.

"Thank you." He says and bolts from the restaurant.

New York City is bustling as it always is. In seventy years that is the one thing that has never changed and Steve is standing in the middle of it. He's staring up at Stark tower in the midst of a remodel. From the outside it looks as though it is liveable again and he assumes that Tony is inside. He's rooted to his spot though, terrified to go forward and even more terrified of confronting Tony. He doesn't know how this will go and he fears the worst. Steve takes a deep breath and forces one foot in front of the other until he's practically running to the tower. He doesn't notice how beautiful the lobby to the penthouse is in it's modern contemporary art and sofas. There's a receptionist at the desk and Steve practically skids to a stop, startling the poor woman.

"Is Tony Stark in?" He asks, breathless.

"He's in his penthouse." She answers. "Is he expecting you?"

Steve shakes his head. "No, no he isn't but I really need to see him. It's urgent."

"Your name, sir?"

"Steve Rogers."

A look of recognition flashes across her face and her mouth forms in a silent "oh". This confuses Steve but he can't be bothered to figure out what the reaction mean. He waits, somewhat impatiently, as the receptionist picks up the phone at her desk and presses a single button. She tells the person on the other end that she has a Steve Rogers at the desk and she doesn't finish the sentence before she's cut off.

"Yes, sir. Right away." She places the receiver back onto the cradle and looks up to Steve. "You may go up, Mr. Rogers. I'll buzz you in."

"Thank you." Steve's whole face splits into a huge grin and he has to stop himself from running to the elevator.

The ride up to the top of Stark tower is nerve wracking and Steve is chewing on the inside of hsi cheek in nervousness. He doesn't know how Tony will react to seeing him and vice versa. He can only think that Tony will reject him, turn him away and pretend that nothing had happened between them. Though that doesn't make much sense because Steve knows Tony didn't have to let him come up. Of course, maybe he was actually going to be a man and tell Steve off on his own. Either way, Steve is a wreck and he can't wait for this to be over. The familiar ding of the elevator sounds and the door slide open. It's the moment of truth and standing there in front of him, waiting, is Tony Stark.

Steve's breath catches in his throat. Tony is still beautiful and Steve has to keep from shoving the man against the wall and taking him.

Tony stares at Steve for a moment and then his mouth splits into a grin. "What are you doing here? Couldn't stay away, huh? You're not the first to find me irresistable."

This irritates Steve more than he can explain and for a moment he thinks it would be better to turn around and leave but he knows better. He knows Tony. The snark, the faked confidence is all a ruse. Something to hide the fact that beneath it all Tony is a person with real emotions and just as much bullshit to deal with as the next person. Tony is no stranger to near death experiences and the shrapnel buried in his heart is a constant reminder of that. Steve often found that the time after their midnight romps was the only time Tony would talk and open up. The second dawn came Tony would clam up again, making his feelings unreachable to Steve.

"Shut up, Tony." Steve spats. "You have no idea what it's been like the last six months."

Tony looks uncomfortable and his eyes look from one side to the other to see if anyone is around before ushering Steve into his penthouse. When the door is closed, he turns on Steve, eyes betraying him. They flash with confusion, anger, excitement and just maybe...a little bit of love.

"We agreed." Tony retorts. "We agreed to stop the charade, Steve. It was a mutual decision that the only relationship we would have is a business one. What happened to that?"

Steve shakes his head. "I can't live like that. I know it was just supposed to be physical but it turned into something more, something deeper."

Tony's shoulders slump and he frowns faintly. "Steve...I just..."

When he doesn't finish his sentence, Steve jumps at the opportunity. He takes hold of Tony and kisses him, smashing his lips against the other man's and his hands are tight on Tony's arms. Tony's body immediately goes lax against his own and Steve's tongue is prying past his lips, groaning faintly.

It's all familiar. Tony's taste, the way his body feels curled against his own, the heat between them. In a blur of motion and shedding clothes, Steve's back is pressed to the bed and Tony is hovering over him. In the time that they had spent on the aircraft, Steve sneaking into Tony's room at night he had always taken control. Now it was Tony who had the upper hand and Steve is watching in awe of this man. There's a new gentleness to the way Tony is touching him, kissing him and steve somehow knows that this time is different. It's not just sex out of boredom or lust but there's love behind it.

Steve is leaning on his elbows, teeth worrying at his lip as Tony's is pressing against him. He's always been the one on top and this new sensation is scary but Tony is gentle. Tony eases into him and Steve's eyes flutter closed. The way Tony is thrusting into him, slowly at first and then picking up the pace is different but it feels so, so good. Steve relaxes onto his back, moaning and when Tony's lips are against his own, electricity lights through him. His fingers entangle in Tony's hair and his hips rise to meet Tony's rhythm. The sensations running through him are overwhelming and it's over too soon.

His back arches as Tony's comes inside of him and a hot stickiness spreads over his belly. Tony collapses on top of him, slick with sweat and exhausted but Steve doesn't want to let him go. His fingers are playing in Tony's hair and he can't wipe the smile from his face. When Tony rolls off of him, Steve turns to his side to look at the man.

"Tony..." He mumurs.

"Hm?"

"I..." He can't finish the sentence, the words lodge in his throat.

"Don't, Steve. Not now." Tony mutters.

It isn't the response that Steve had been hoping for and he feels his heart cracking like glass but it doesn't break. Not yet. He has to remember that Tony has many of his own demons to deal with and that he needs to be patient. He is willing to wait for as long as it takes for Tony to love him back. 


	3. Chapter 3

Tony had not intended for Steve to stay the night but after the sex they had both been so exhausted that they'd fallen asleep tangled in each other s arms. Pepper is on a business trip to Chicago and she isn't due back until the end of next week so there isn't a worry of being caught. Still, it doesn't help the feeling of guilt that washes over him. He loves Pepper but the man lying in his bed right now has had a hold on his heart for longer than he would care to remember. Tony leans against the frame of his bedroom door and watches Steve sleep, pajama pants loose on his hips and shirtless so that the arc reactor in his chest is completely visible. Tony hates the reactor that's keeping the shrapnel in his heart from killing him but the alternative is worse. He doesn't need to feel insecure about it with Steve. He knows that Steve thinks he's beautiful no matter what and it brings a smile to Tony's face. The coffee cup in his hands has grown cold and he sighs softly. He doesn't know where this is going and he isn't sure he s ready for the answer. When he was sure that Steve was going to say he loved him last night, Tony had wanted to shrink into himself. It was too much too soon.

There was also the fact that Steve had been the product of his father, Howard. The way that Howard Stark had raved about the legendary Captain America made Tony wonder. What exactly had been the relationship between his lover and his father?

Steve moves in the bed and Tony starts, not wanting to be caught being creepy. He moves to the desk on the opposite side of the penthouse and places the full coffee cup on a coaster. There are so many things to think about and what is he supposed to tell Pepper when she returns? She knows him better than anyone on the planet and he won't be able to lie to her for long. She'll know that something is wrong and Tony doesn't want to lie to her. Not after all that she's been through and done for him. It has occurred to Tony that all the time he had thought he hated Steve it was the exact opposite. He has loved him but unwilling to admit it. All those late nights in his room on the aircraft had always meant more to Tony but he was too stubborn to say something.

He's spacing out, thinking and he doesn't hear the footsteps that are approaching behind him and when hands touch his shoulders, he stiffens. He doesn't have time to react before lips are pressed against his neck and a shiver runs down his spine. Tony's head tilts to the side and smiles, closing his eyes and just enjoying the feel of those lips on his skin. He reaches up, tangling his hand in Steve s hair and turning his face so that their lips meet. It s a chaste kiss, sweet and short.

"Good morning," Steve murmurs against his mouth.

"Is it?" Tony asks, leaning back slightly.

Steve looks confused and he feels guilty about making his lover feel bad but he doesn't know that it's a good morning. How can it be when he's so fucking unsure that he can t see straight? Steve stands up straight and Tony can't help but drink in the sight of his body, the perfectly sculpted chest and abs, well defined arms and chiseled jaw. He s so goddamn beautiful that it can drive Tony crazy if he lets it.

"You regret last night," Steve says but his voice isn t accusatory.

Tony shakes his head. "It s not that, Steve. It s something I can t explain. The way my father used to talk about you makes me think that you had more than a business relationship with him." Steve looks stunned and Tony immediately regrets saying anything for a moment. When Steve doesn t say anything Tony can feel his heart thudding against his chest.

"Is it true?" He asks. "Was there something between the two of you?"

"It isn t what you think." Steve mutters.

"Well what is it then?"

Steve sighs, running his hands through his hair. It s a nervous habit that Tony has noticed about him and he isn t sure that he s ready for the answer he s about to get.

"Nothing happened the way you think it might have thought but you re right, our relationship wasn't just business." Steve pulls a chair next to Tony s and sits down, chewing at the inside of his cheek. "Your dad created me with the help of some other scientists and we got close. I was able to share things with him that I couldn't with anyone else. For a time I thought I loved him but I was wrong. Your dad he wasn t the person that I thought he was. His alcoholism was the downfall and the strained marriage with his wife the way he treated his son."

Tony closes his eyes, holding up his hand to stop Steve from speaking. "Please, we don t need to rehash the type of man my father was. I m aware."

Steve nods but he doesn't take his eyes off of Tony. "There s something else. Something you re not telling me."

Tony sucks in a breath because he doesn t want to tell Steve what he s been working on with Nick Fury. He knows that his lover isn't going to like it and that it might put even more of a strain on their already fragile relationship.

"It s nothing," Tony lies. "There s just a lot of shit going on and then you show up and turn my world upside down again."

"Do you want me to leave?" Steve quips, rising from his seat.

"No!" The forcefulness of his answer surprises even Tony. "No, please don t leave."

Steve sits back down in his seat slowly. He eyes Tony suspiciously for a moment but he has to let it go. There s no way Tony will tell him anything if Steve pressures him.

"When you re ready to talk, let me know." He says.

Tony frowns but nods. "Where are you going to stay?"

Steve shrugs. "I don t know yet. Maybe I'll see if I can stay at S.H.I.E.L.D for awhile"

Tony runs his tongue along the bottom of his lip and shifts in his seat uncomfortable. "You know, Pepper isn't due back until the end of next week. You could just stay here until then." Immediately, he knows that was the wrong thing to say and Steve looks furious

"Oh, I get it. I can stay here and act like you're fucking mistress until your girlfriend gets back. That's rich, Tony, really." Steve stands from his chair so quickly that he knocks it over and storms to the bedroom.

Tony hesitates for two seconds before he's flying after Steve. "Wait, Steve that wasn't what I meant. I mean I don't care if she does come back, you can still stay here."

Steve is pulling his clothes on and he turns to glare at Tony. You're kidding me right? So when she comes back what does that make me, some jerk crashing on your couch? I imagine that we'll stop sleeping together then too because you'll have her back. God, Tony it's amazing that you think you can treat people this way?"

Tony feels a surge of anger through him and he smirks faintly. "You really expect more from me? I'll be the first person to tell you that I'm unreliable and have commitment issues. Did you really think that this would actually work between us? That I would give up my lifestyle for you? What would make you think that?"

Steve doesn t answer at first and he tugs his socks and shoes onto his feet. Tony thinks he might not answer at all and it makes him angrier. There's so much more that he could say, that he wants to say but there's no point. The damage has been done and in the back of his mind, he knows that this is for the better. He doesn t deserve someone like Steve or Pepper. Pepper is just too invested in his life and company to walk away but there is nothing holding Steve to him.

Steve is at the door and he s halfway out when he turns to Tony with a blank expression. "You asked me what would make me think that I would give up your lifestyle for me, well, the answer is that I'd hoped you were a better man than your father."

With that, the door slams behind Steve and Tony is left staring after him slack jawed and feeling his heart break.


	4. Chapter 4

It was cold and Steve pulls the jacket he has on tighter around himself. Apparently, SHIELD doesn't believe in spending extra money on heating. A few people mill around the room, the faint sound of keys being tapped on fills the room. Steve is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice when a slim figure slinks up next to him.

"Penny for your thoughts, Captain?"

The voice is clearly Natasha Romanov's and Steve smiles a little as he looks up to her. "How about a dollar?"

Natasha rolls her eyes and takes the seat next to him at the table. "What's on your mind? There's only two reasons I've ever seen you so deep in thought."

Steve arches a brow. "When?"

"Well...when you're trying to find a way to disagree with Fury or you're trying to figure out how to deal with Tony." She says.

Steve is surprised and he tries to mask it but it's clearly too late because Natasha grins. "What did he do this time?"

"What makes you think this has anything to do with Tony?" Steve asks. He's trying his best to keep a cool and calm demeanor, to not let anything on but he knows that Natasha is smart. "He's hiding something and I don't know what it is. Usually, if he's being secretive about something it means nothing good. What do you know, Natasha?"

For a moment, Natasha looks at him blankly but she shrugs. "I don't really know, Steve. Tony is Tony. He does things according to his agenda. Have you tried asking him about it?"

"He brushes it aside," Steve answers.

"Well, I mean, he's rebuilding the penthouse and he's been talking about using that as headquarters for the Avengers," Natasha says. "Though, I don't see how that would upset you or why he would keep it from you."

Steve frowns, looking down at the table and worrying at his cheek with his teeth. It makes sense that Tony might not want to say anything about it, especially if they're already rocky in their relationship. If what they had even was a relationship. The more Steve thinks on it, the more he realizes how uncomfortable it would be for him to be there.

Natasha is watching him but he pretends not to notice. Finally, she says. "How long has this been going on?"

"What?" Steve's head snaps up. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Natasha answers. "If you think we don't know what was going on with you two six months ago then you're wrong. Everybody knows."

Steve is stunned and he can feel his chest tightening painfully. No one was supposed to know anything, it was a secret between him and Tony. Now the cat was out of the bag and he doesn't like it much.

"We've all seen you sneaking into Tony's room more than once," Natasha continues. "It confirmed everyone's suspicions when you guys stopped bickering at each other as much."

Steve is uncomfortable and he shifts in his seat. "What about Fury? Does he know?"

Natasha shakes her head. "I don't think so but he's way too involved in this mission to care about anything else."

Steve nods. "It was a mistake."

"Was it? Is that why you came back to New York because if I remember correctly, you said you weren't coming back unless you were needed."

A groan escapes the Captain and he runs his hands through his hair, leaning forward in his seat. He places his face in his hands so that he doesn't have to see Natasha.

"I don't know. I don't know what to think or how to feel." Steve is hardly someone to be open about his feelings and emotions but it feels good to talk to someone. Someone who isn't partial to one side or the other. "It's too much to handle right now. I'm still trying to understand this brand new world. I wasn't raised in it and the culture shock is overwhelming. Then if I throw Tony into the mix, I'm even more confused. In the seventy years that I was in that coma, everyone I ever knew and cared about died. I'll never know what happened to them and it makes it hard to get close to anyone. It's hard to become that vulnerable."

Natasha is silent for a moment but her hand reaches out to take one of Steve's. "I can't begin to imagine what it was like to wake up seventy years later or to know that your loved ones are gone but I can tell you that it's okay to open up again. You can't keep living and worrying about the past."

Steve nods. "I know that. Tony just...I can't stand him half the time and the other half, I just want him."

A small laugh escapes from Natasha. "He's hard to deal with but deep down, I think he has a really good heart. Keep in mind that his life hasn't been all privilege and fancy cars. He's had a hard time too."

"I know," Steve murmurs, looking up at her. "I said something really awful to him this morning. I said that I had hoped he was a better person than his father..."

Natasha cringes faintly. "Ouch. You might want to apologize for that one..."

He nods, knowing that she's probably right. She stands, patting his shoulder gently before leaving the room and leaving Steve to his thoughts

* * *

It's near midnight and Tony is drunk. Not just a little drunk but stumbling around and barely able to see a foot in front of him drunk. He just can't get the last thing Steve said to him out of his head. Steve had hoped that he was different from his father. He _was_ different. Wasn't he? He wasn't cold and calculating like Howard Stark had been but he had the same brilliant mind. At the same time, Tony had the same trouble with truly being in touch with how he feels. He bottles it all up inside, letting it fester until it explodes and he does something stupid.

Somehow, Tony makes it to his bedroom and flops onto the bed. He's lost his glass along the way but he doesn't care. The room is spinning and he wonders where Steve is. In his drunken stupor it's amazing that Steve is the one thing he can still seem to focus on. He can feel tears stinging at the back of his eyes and he hates it. He hates the legendary Captain fucking America can reduce him to this. He feels weak and vulnerable and it's foreign to him. He's Tony Stark. He doesn't break down like this.

Tony's eyes slide closed and he feel the world tilting on its axis. Maybe he just won't wake up. Wouldn't have solve the problem for both of them?


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for all the support you've given me in writing this fiction. Honestly, I didn't expect any of the reviews I've gotten and I certainly didn't think this would become more than what it did. I'm writing this for you guys! xoxoxo

* * *

When Tony opens his eyes the next morning he regrets it immediately. The sun that pours into the room stings his eyes and his head is pounding but he's amazed that he doesn't have the urge to throw up everywhere. With a groan, he rolls to the side, gagging on the sour after taste of alcohol and his main goal at the moment is to get to the bathroom so he can brush his teeth. It seems like a very long trip to the bathroom but somehow, he manages, groaning along the way from stiff muscles. He remembers why he hates hangovers. Once he is the bathroom and the bitter taste of last night's binge is washed from his mouth he looks up into the mirror and sighs heavily. He looks like hell but what can he expect?

The penthouse is cool and goose bumps rise on the bare skin of his chest and arms. The arc reactor is brightly lit and Tony is relieved that he didn't do something stupid. He trudges back to the bedroom but when he reenters the room he gets a surprise.

Steve is sitting on the edge of his bed with a paper cup of coffee and a bottle of aspirin. Tony blinks at him in confusion.

"How'd you get in here?" He asks.

"Your door was unlocked and the receptionist buzzed me in." Steve smiles slightly. He gestures for Tony to join him on the bed.

Tony crawls back into the bed, positioning himself so that he's sitting up agains the headboard. He takes the offered coffee and aspirin from Steve.

"I didn't expect for you to come back here." Tony says as he opens the bottle and pops a few of the white tablets into his mouth, chasing them down with the coffee.

"I didn't expect it either but I'm glad I did. It smells like a bar in here." Steve frowns. "You know for someone who went to such extremes to save his heart you sure don't care much about your liver." He touches the arc reactor in Tony's chest lightly. "I'm sorry."

Tony stares at him for a moment. "For what?"

"For what I said yesterday before I left about your dad. That was low and...I'm just sorry." Steve replies.

"Well you might not have been too far off," Tony gestures to himself. "I got upset and immediately crawled into the bottom of a bottle. That is exactly the kind of thing that my father would do so maybe I'm not better than he is."

Steve shakes his head. "I don't believe that. I was angry at you so I said something stupid."

Tony frowns, not saying anything and looking down at the cup of coffee that he holds in his hands. He doesn't know what to say but he knows that he probably owes Steve an apology as well.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to make you feel like a third wheel." Tony sighs. "I just don't know how to feel about anything and with Pepper..."

Steve shrugs. "Why can't we just take it one step at a time? See what happens?"

"What?" Tony smirks. "Steve Rogers is being impulsive and without a plan? It's never been done before so I should probably mark this date on my calendar."

"Tony," Steve says. "Shut up."

Steve leans in, pressing a kiss to Tony's jaw and making a soft trail to his lips. Tony's glad he took the time to brush his teeth now and he kisses the Captain back, shivering at the touch.

"I love you, Tony Stark." Steve says.

The way he says it, so casually and without a hint of fear or reluctance throws Tony into a tail spin. He panics for a moment, not knowing how to respond to this confession of love. Tony has never truly loved another person until now and it's scary as hell.

"Ditto," Tony says, not yet able to say those three little words back. It just makes it too real, too complicated.

If Steve is upset or disappointed, he doesn't show it. Instead, he kisses Tony with a sort of desperation like he's afraid Tony will vanish into thin air. Tony maneuvers the coffee cup onto the nightstand and slides his fingers into Steve's hair. His body is responding to the kiss but he pulls back.

"Wait," He says, a little breathless. "Let s stop for now?"

Steve blinks. "Really?"

"Yeah," Tony can't help but laugh. "Trust me, it takes a lot for me to say that because I want you every minute of every day but maybe we should slow down a little."

Steve doesn't argue but nods. Somehow, he understand what Tony is getting at. That he needs time to process what is happening and he has to sort out exactly what he's feeling.

"It can't just be about sex," Tony mutters.

Steve smiles, touching Tony's cheek gently. "I know. Maybe we should go out, do something, I mean...if that's all right with you."

"That'd be great," Tony smiles.

* * *

They're sitting outside a small cafe, the crowd light since it's a time between breakfast and lunch. It's quaint but expensive because Tony doesn't do anything simple. It's not his style. They're sitting out on the veranda of the cafe and his headache has ease and his stomach is churning less. He's managing small bits of food but mostly he's focused on the expensive Italian blend of coffee that keeps coming. The caffeine is helping the hangover even if it's just psychological. Steve on the other hand is eating like he hasn't eaten in years and Tony finds it amusing. He doesn't feel paranoid about sitting in this place with Steve. Somehow, it feels right and comfortable and as he watches his lover a warm feeling spreads through his chest. He's so, so in love with Steve Rogers but the words keep getting lodged in his throat.

As a child, Tony had only really loved his mother. She was the one to take care of him, love him and wipe away his tears when he was hurt or scared. He could never have gone to his father because Howard Stark would tell him to man up and deal with it. He had never shown the slightest affection towards Tony and perhaps that affected him now. Maybe that's what made it hard for him to be emotionally ept. He never wanted to feel that vulnerable just to be hurt again. Tony will never forget the conversation with Nick Fury about his father. Fury had said that Tony had it all wrong, that his father had loved him before he died. They were just words though and it was too late to find out the truth. So much for regrets.

When Steve is finished eating and the server has cleared their table, leaving only their coffee cup, he sits back in his chair.

"Tony, I know what you were hiding from me." He says.

Tony starts and sits up a little straighter in his chair, his heart pounding. How could he have known? Who had told him?

"What are you talking about?" He croaks.

"Natasha told me everything about it. Why did you think you had to hide that from me?" Steve asks. "I think it's a great idea even if it means being a little awkward."

"You do?" Tony is confused because this isn't the type of reaction he expected. How would Natasha know anything about it, too?

"Well yeah but how does Pepper feel about it?"

"Pepper?" Tony asks. "I...well I mean...she doesn t know much about it."

It's Steve's turn to look confused. "She doesn't know that you're rebuilding the penthouse to serve as headquarters for the Avengers?"

A wave of relief washes through Tony. So that was what Steve was talking about and not the _other_ plan that was strictly between he and Nick Fury.

"O-oh the headquarters, right." Tony nods. "Yes, Pepper does know about that. In fact, it was partially her idea."

For a moment, Steve studies Tony and he thinks that his lover can see right through him. He's positive that Steve knows he's lying but then Steve shrugs.

"Well, like I said. I think it's a great idea. There's so much that goes on at SHIELD and it's all very distracting. Not to mention you have all that high tech stuff that I don't even understand." Steve smiles.

Tony returns the smile. "I could teach you, you know. You're smart and you'll catch on faster than you think."

"I don't know," Steve shifts a bit in his seat. "I have seventy years to catch up on. I can barely use that stupid cell phone I have."

Tony laughs. "Maybe we shouldn't have given you a smartphone to start out with?"

"A what?" Steve blinks.

"Nevermind," Tony can't help his smile. It's things like this that makes his heart swell when it comes to Steve.

A silence falls between them and Steve is worrying at his cheek with his teeth. Another habit that Tony has observed when the Captain is deep in thought. He can only imagine what is going through his lover's head.

"What are we going to do when Pepper comes back, Tony?"

Tony has been dreading this question even though he knows it's been coming since Steve came back to New York. "I don't know," He says. "What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Probably the truth." Steve snorts.

"Don't be a smart ass, Steve. This is serious. I don't want to hurt her." Tony snaps.

"Well then maybe you'll be doing her a favor by telling her sooner rather than later."

Tony lets out a frustrated sigh. He's not sure exactly when Steve decided that they were officially a couple. Tony's not even sure that's possible with as much drama the two of them create. What pisses him off even more is that Steve is right. He's always right and Tony hates it.

"I know you're right, Steve. I just...I don't know how I'm going to tell her." Tony shakes his head. "I wasn't even aware that we made this official."

Steve is dumbfounded. "You're kidding me, right?"

Tony only offers him a blank stare.

"I was pretty sure that my confession to you this morning, telling you that I love you, was a pretty good sign of that." Steve's voice is raising and people are starting to stare at them.

"Sh, Steve, people are looking." Tony hisses, feeling uncomfortable.

"I don't give a damn." Steve barks his eyes angry. "You need to make a decision, now or I'm gone."

Tony's heart hurts and the thought of Steve leaving is unbearable but there's more to this than the two of them. The fact that he's lying to Steve about what he's really up to is gnawing at his insides.

"Steve, just...I don't know what I want..."

His lover lets out a breath, disbelief written all over his face. "I'll tell you what, when you figure it out, then let me know. I'm not going to wait around for you forever. I won't."

Steve says nothing more but stands from table and pulls cash out of his pocket, dropping some bills on the table for his food before walking away. Tony knows that he should go after him, knows that he needs to be truthful with Steve but he's glued to the chair.

This has become far more complicated than he had intended.


	6. Chapter 6

Maybe it had only been a couple of days since Tony had last seen Steve, he wasn't entirely sure. He's locked himself in his lab, working on his suit, going over the plan that he's been involved in with Nick Fury, whatever it takes to keep him from thinking about Steve Rogers. Amazingly, he's stayed away from the liquor which is practically a milestone for him. What Steve had said about being like his father has gotten to him more than any other negative thing said about him?

He's sitting in a rolling chair in front of the desk, a good old fashioned manila folder sitting on the top. There are bold block letters on the front of the folder that reads "Superhuman Registration Act". When Nick Fury first presented the idea to Tony, he'd laughed at it, insisting that it was ridiculous and the government couldn't force them to register. Nick had not found it so humorous, having caught so much flak from the nation's leaders about the destruction they had caused along the way. Even if they had helped to save the world, it wasn't without hiccups. Too many lives had been lost and the government had presented the Registration Act in hopes that it would bring cooperation between super humans and the government. It was proposed that the superhuman would be given proper training that could eliminate any collateral damage that had occurred. At first, Tony was against the act, knowing that some of her colleagues wanted to remain discreet about their alter egos. Not all of them wanted to live in the spotlight as he did.

After many weeks of weighing the pros and cons of the Registration Act, even talking about it with Pepper, he'd made a decision. Tony was in favor of the Registration Act and that is what he has been hiding from Steve. He knows that Steve will think differently, thinking it would be an invasion of privacy and their rights. Maybe it would be but it is a risk that Tony is willing to take. He's not ready to tell Steve. Not yet, not when they're relationship is so rocky.

The sound of the door to his lab sliding open jolts him from his thoughts and he spins in his chair to see Pepper entering the room. She is back early and Tony is surprised to see her. She smiles at him softly, moving across the room to pull up another rolling chair towards him.

"Hi," Tony says. "You're back early."

"The matter was resolved quicker than I had expected." Pepper says, reaching to take a hand. "Are you all right? You look like you haven't slept in days."

Tony shifts uncomfortably. "I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind."

"About the Registration Act?"

Tony nods, slowly but he can see that Pepper doesn't believe him. She's way too intuitive for her own good.

She frowns at him. "Tell me the truth."

The idea of hurting Pepper kills him a little inside and he hates what he's about to tell her but he's in love with Steve. He can't just cut the Captain out of his life and he doesn't want to but he also knows that he can't have his cake and eat it too. He only hopes that Pepper will understand even if he's about to break her heart.

"There's something you don't know," Tony begins. "While you were gone, I had a visitor and...things happened. I didn't expect this to happen, I had no idea that this person was coming back."

Pepper holds up a hand to stop him from speaking. "Tony, please. I was waiting for this to happen. I've been expecting it for a while now and actually I'm surprised that it's taken this long. You weren't the same when you came back from the Avengers Initiative and I knew something had happened. That _someone_ had happened." She smiles faintly. "Tony, I know you love me but you were never in love with me and quite frankly, I'm not sure I was ever in love with you. I've just been around all this time and we got comfortable with each other. I'm not angry; I don't regret anything but I want you to be happy. I've always wanted you to be happy and if Steve Rogers is what is going to make you happy, then go."

Tony is shocked and his jaw goes slack. How could Pepper have known? "How...?"

She smiles. "I have eyes and ears in places you don't know about. Things get back to me."

"I really am sorry about this, Pepper."

Pepper shakes her head, leaning forwards and pressing a soft kiss to Tony's lips. "Don't be, Tony, this might be the best opportunity for both of us. I've been so wrapped up in Stark Industries and you that I never bothered to worry about me. I love you, I don't blame you for that but it's time to take care of myself."

Tony smiles and nods. He reaches up to play with a bit of Pepper's hair and sighs softly. "Just don't forget about me, okay?"

"That's impossible."

* * *

It's only a few hours since his talk with Pepper and Tony is standing outside of SHIELD, hoping that Steve is there. He feels relieved that Pepper had been understanding and even more relieved to know that he was no longer holding her back from finding true happiness. Now, it was his turn to be happy and Steve was just a few floors away. At least for a little while, they can be happy. It's chilly outside and the blazer that he's chosen to wear does little to keep the cold off of him but he doesn't care. He's still working up the nerve to actually enter the building. Finally, he puts one foot in front of the other and that's all it takes.

He's running into the building.

He almost forgets that he can't just barge in and groans in frustration as he waits for the retinal scanner to allow him access. Once the air-locked doors are open, he's flying past them an into the control room. Natasha and Clint are leaning over a computer, looking at something and they look up startled.

"Where's Steve?" He asks, his breath coming hard and fast from not only the running but the excitement.

Natasha and Clint don't have a chance to answer because a voice reaches his ears. "Tony?" It's Steve's voice.

Tony whirls around the face his lover and he smiles. "Steve...I need to talk to you." In his peripheral, he can see Clint nudging Natasha away from the computer and they leave the control room together. He doesn't know why because he certainly isn't planning on having this conversation here.

Steve's expression is blank. "What do you want, Tony?"

"Not here," Tony says, looking around the room. "It's not private."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you're doing here," Steve crosses his arms over his chest, staring at Tony.

Tony knows that Steve isn't going to budge and he lets his hands fall to his sides, almost defeated. "Fine, I'll tell you." He clears his throat, taking a breath to mentally prepare himself for what he's about to say. "I love you, Steve. I have for a long time but I couldn't say it until now. I couldn't say it until I knew for sure that I wouldn't become vulnerable to hurt again."

Steve tilts his head to one side, surprise registering on his face. For a long time, they stand there and stare at each other and Tony can feel his heart drop into his stomach. He wonders if Steve has changed his mind, if he'll tell Tony that it's too late and he had his chance. The thought of Steve turning his back on him is unbearable to Tony and he's preparing to meet this heartbreak head on.

"What about Pepper?" Steve finally asks.

Tony shakes his head. "She knew. I don't know how she knew but she did."

Steve runs his tongue over his bottom lip. "This isn't a game, Tony. I can't play this game of hot and cold with you anymore. It's all or nothing."

At first, Tony doesn't say anything and he steps forwards until he's a mere three inches from Steve. "Then I want it all." He kisses him. It's hard, fast and desperate.

* * *

Tony can't even remember what happened between the points that they'd left SHIELD and when they got back to his penthouse. It had been a whirlwind of kisses, touching, clothes flying and Tony found himself straddling Steve, his lover buried deep inside of him and heat running through him. He didn't even care if anyone had seen them. None of that mattered as long as Steve was with him.

When it was over and the two lay next to each other, panting and exhausted, Tony laughs softly. "In all the times my father used to tell me about you when I was a kid, never once did I ever imagine this happening."

Steve laughs along with him and his lover shifts to turn on his side, fingers moving to play over Tony's chest, tracing the arc reactor. "How could you have? You were a kid and I was in a coma."

Tony shrugs. "I suppose that's true. I hated you at first, you know."

"The feeling was mutual." Steve smiles and presses a soft kiss to Tony's neck. It causes him to shiver and moves closer to the Captain. "When did you change your mind?"

"That time when you came into my room and nothing happened. You had just lain next to me and we held each other." Tony says softly. He knows it sounds like a bad romantic comedy but it's true. "That was when I knew I was in love with you. I just didn't know how to be in love with you. I've never been in love with anyone before."

"It isn't your fault, you know." Steve says gently. "You weren't exactly raised in the most loving home."

"Eh, it's all water under a bridge now." He replies. "Who did you love before me?"

Steve frowns for a moment and Tony thinks that maybe this isn't the best time to ask that question but since they're being honest, he figures why the hell not?

"Once," Steve says. "Her name was Peggy and she was a British agent that was part of the special soldier experiment. The last thing I remember is making a date with her before crashing the plane into the ocean. Obviously, I never made that date. I don't know what happened to her. I don't know if she died in the war or if she's still alive somewhere. I don't want to know."

Tony nods. He can't understand what it's like to feel as empty and confused as Steve does so he doesn't say anything.

"Anyways, it doesn't matter now. That was the past and there's nothing I can do to change that." Steve fingers play along Tony's stomach. "I don't want to change anything. I'm here with you. I love _you_, Tony"

"I know," Tony smiles, tilting his head up to kiss his lover gently.

* * *

Steve's breathing is even Tony can tell his lover is asleep by the rhythmic rise and falls of Steve's chest against his back. He's tired but he doesn't want to sleep, he wants to stay curled up in Steve's arms because there's the possibility that this could have all been a dream. His fingers are running up and down the length of the arm around his waist, the tangibility of the Captain reminding him that he loves someone and that someone loves him back.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I am so so sorry it's taken me this long to get this out! Tumblr has eaten my freakin' life lately! Here it is though and hopefully the next chapter won't take so long to get out.**

**Also, I realize that some things are drastically different from what actually happens in the comics but I am really only familiar with the movieverse and I've been winging it with a little Wiki knowledge. Obviously some of it's going to be embellished.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing this!**

* * *

It's been nearly four months since Tony finally told Steve how he really felt and since then, the Captain has practically moved into the penthouse. Not that Tony minds at all, of course. They've settled into a routine that's comfortable for both of them. Steve still tries to adjust to the new technology of a modern world but he's learning with Tony's help. There's a lot of times that Steve sits with Tony in the workshop, watching him work on new equipment while his lover explains to him the best he can what it does and why it does it. It's overwhelming but interesting to Steve but a lot of it's still alien to him.

At this particular moment, Tony is playing around with one of the arc reactors that he uses in his chest and Steve is next to him, watching all the little gizmos inside move like clockwork.

"You never told me why you needed this," Steve says. "All I know is that he keeps you alive."

Tony smiles faintly, glancing quickly at his lover. "I was on a trip in Afghanistan to introduce a missile when we were attacked. There's a piece of shrapnel buried in my chest but the reactor keeps it from reaching my heart. It also powers the suits."

"You made it all the way back from the middle east without this?" Steve sounds incredulous.

"Of course not," Tony sighs. "I was captured by a terrorist group with another scientist. He hooked me up to a battery to keep me alive and together we created the reactor. The terrorists promised us freedom in return for a Jericho missile but we knew they'd never keep that promise. Instead, we built the first Iron Man suit but once it was discovered what we were really doing, they attacked again. Yinsen didn't make it out but I did."

Steve can hear the sadness in Tony's voice and he stands, stepping behind Tony and sliding his arms around his lover's waist. He doesn't know what to say because he knows very well that people can't forget the things they see as a result of war. He presses a kiss to the back of Tony's neck and then rests his forhead to the back of the other man's head. "If I could thank him for saving your life then I would. If he hadn't I wouldn't have you now."

Tony leans back against Steve with a small smile. "I guess you wouldn't. It was...probably the hardest thing I ever had to deal with, losing that man after he'd saved my life. I just hope he knows how grateful I am."

"I'm sure he does," Steve replies. "How could he not? Look what you've done since then. You're a public icon."

For a moment Tony doesn't say anything, finding it hard to swallow what Steve has just said. He might be a public icon but sometimes that didn't make things easier. After all, there was something coming that was going to change the course of all their lives. He just hopes it doesn't tear them apart.

Tony tilts his head back so that he can press a soft kiss to Steve's jaw, lips making a trail along the smooth skin. "I need to talk to you about something."

Steve leans back, looking down at his lover and nodding. "Okay, what's up?"

"Nick Fury contacted to me and gave me a sort of project. There's a superhuman that's kind of on the fringe right now. He needs some guidance and Fury thinks I...that we can help him out." Tony says, touching the hologram screen so that a profile comes up. "His name is Peter Parker but people of the city better know him as Spiderman."

"Spiderman? The alleged vigilante that terrorizes New York?" Steve asks with a small smile.

"Been reading the rag mags, have you?" Tony teases but he sighs. "Fury says that he's lacking in self-discipline and his aunt and girlfriend are in trouble. I said I would take the job, is that okay?"

Steve nods. "Yeah, if you think it'll help. Are they moving in here?"

"Not in the penthouse but in one of the apartments below that way they'll be behind the securtiy." Tony explains, leaning back against Steve once more. "Are you sure that you're okay with this?"

Steve nods, kissing Tony's cheek gently. "Go for it."

Tony's startled of sleep by a nightmare and he feels his body is covered in a light layer of cold sweat. Steve's arm is flopped over his waist and he gently slides out from beneath it, trying not to wake his lover. The dream has him shaken and he is shivering. Slowly, he pads across the room and into the large bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub to get his mind in order.

Tony had never dreamt something so miserable. He'd dreamt that he was at odds with Steve, fighting against him in something that was obviously very important. Even if it was just a dream, it has shaken Tony to the core. He sits in the bathroom for a few moments but eventually returns to the room. He can't go back to sleep and watches his lover for a few moments before slipping from the room once more and heading down into the lab.

It isn't long before Tony hears Steve coming down into the lab. He must have woken to find that Tony was no longer present in the bed and worried. Steve always worries when Tony ends up in the lab at night. When Steve enters the lab, he steps up to Tony and opens his mouth to speak but Tony doesn't let him. Instead, he cuts him off with a soft kiss to the mouth.

"I'm okay," Tony reassures him. "Just a bad dream..."

Steve nods, smiling softly. "I love you, Tony. I love you so, so much."

Those words force the dream to the back of Tony's mind and he smiles. "I love you more..." He teases.


End file.
